A New Chapter is About to Begin

A bare front door leading to our little nest.

On May 9th, my husband and I will officially being moving and into, what we call, notre petit nid -our small nest. What makes this move more important than a typical move is that it is happening on my 10th anniversary of moving to France and our 10 year wedding anniversary.

There are several reasons for the move. The most important one is financial. Like so many people, we have been affected by the rising prices of everything but also because of our precarious professional lives.

As most of you know, my art does not pay the bills and while I have been a professional artists' model for 28 years, when I was living in the US, I did have a second job to supplement that work. Here in France, it has not been so easy to do that so I have poured my energy into getting as much model work as I can physically do and the sales of my autobiography have made an enormous difference the last 2 years. However, I am soon going to be 56 years old with retirement somewhat looming in the air which makes it even more difficult to have the desire to re-invent the wheel plus as an artist who does create and work when not working as a model, working a conventional job is not something I can "just do". I am aware a lot of people do not understand that concept. Many would tell me to just take a job. in a supermarket to make ends meet. I have paid my dues indeed. Since I was 18 years old, I worked. I worked full-time in the commercial photography industry for 6 years before going full time to university to obtain my Bachelor's degree in Fine Arts. Once I graduated, I worked full-time once again in Manhattan for a dot com company in their photography department, then worked for a computer store selling Apple computers and teaching Adobe Photoshop and as years went on, the work became more part time than full time doing what I could to piece together work to make a living all awhile building up my life model career. Moving to another country and re-building my professional career, I have worked very hard to get the model gigs and I succeeded but it is not full-time and getting older changes a lot of things as I have mentioned.

My husband has spent 24 years in the film/TV industry which is also changing, not necessarily for the better. Right before COVID, his company was bought by Technicolor and he was offered a buy-out, so to speak. He had a psychological burnt-out so he accepted their offer and tried to change his career to become a professional translator but as he received his diploma with distinction, A.I. became so powerful in the translation sector, that it became very difficult for him to get his foot in the door. He was luckily able to work again as an audiovisual technician for his former company as well as another as a freelancer where he receives special benefits from the government because of that. We are both very thankful for that.

So, with all of that, our goal was and is to make our lives as less complicated as possible so with the help of social housing, after more than two years of the most stressful and uncertain terms in our life together, we obtained notre petit nid. It is a lot smaller than where we are now but we will make it work. My studio space will be part of the common living space and Gilles' home office in our bedroom but it is situated on the ground floor with trees and ivy around us and what seems to be a very peaceful environment. We are receiving donations and support from the state as much as possible with our upcoming move but it is completely overwhelming. Temporary set-backs, having to pay 2 rents for 2 months, trying to survive the weeks, financially, leading up to the move but we are almost there. So close.

And this will finally be the start of our re-building our life together. Neither of us moved into an empty space to "start from scratch". I went from my parents, to my ex, to here where the apartment originally belonged to Gilles' parents. Gilles had been out for some years but with roommates before needing to care for his parents here. We will be starting our life together afresh. We can not wait.

And I already have ideas brewing with a new series in mind. I just need to get my studio installed. Stay tuned.

Français:

Une porte d'entrée nue menant à notre petit nid.

Le 9 mai, mon mari et moi allons officiellement déménager et nous installer dans ce que nous appelons notre petit nid. Ce qui rend ce déménagement plus important qu'un déménagement classique, c'est qu'il coïncide avec le 10ème anniversaire de mon arrivée en France et avec notre 10ème anniversaire de mariage.

Il y a plusieurs raisons à ce déménagement. La plus importante est d'ordre financier. Comme beaucoup de gens, nous avons été touchés par les problèmes économiques, mais aussi par la précarité de nos vies professionnelles.

Comme la plupart d'entre vous le savent, mon art ne paie pas les factures et bien que je sois un modèle vivant professionnel depuis 28 ans, lorsque je vivais aux États-Unis, j'avais un deuxième emploi pour compléter ce travail. Ici, en France, ce n'est pas si facile, alors j'ai consacré mon énergie à obtenir autant de travail de modèle vivant que je pouvais physiquement faire et les ventes de mon autobiographie ont fait une énorme différence au cours des deux dernières années. Cependant, j'aurai bientôt 56 ans et la retraite se profile à l'horizon, ce qui rend encore plus difficile le désir de réinventer la roue. De plus, en tant qu'artiste qui crée et travaille lorsqu'elle n'est pas modèle, je ne peux pas « me contenter » d'un emploi conventionnel. Je sais que beaucoup de gens ne comprennent pas ce concept. Beaucoup me diraient de prendre un emploi dans un supermarché pour joindre les deux bouts. J'ai en effet payé mon dû. Depuis l'âge de 18 ans, je travaille. J'ai travaillé à temps plein dans le secteur de la photographie commerciale pendant six ans avant de retourner à temps plein à l'université pour obtenir ma licence en beaux-arts. Une fois mon diplôme obtenu, j'ai de nouveau travaillé à temps plein à Manhattan pour une société point com dans son service de photographie, puis j'ai travaillé pour un magasin d'informatique vendant des ordinateurs Apple et enseignant Adobe Photoshop et, au fil des années, le travail est devenu plus à temps partiel qu'à temps plein, faisant ce que je pouvais pour rassembler des travaux afin de gagner ma vie tout en construisant ma carrière de modèle de vie. En déménageant dans un autre pays et en reconstruisant ma carrière professionnelle, j'ai travaillé très dur pour obtenir des contrats de mannequin et j'y suis parvenue, mais ce n'est pas un travail à temps plein et l'âge change beaucoup de choses, comme je l'ai déjà mentionné.

Mon mari a passé 24 ans dans l'industrie du cinéma et de la télévision, qui est également en train de changer, pas nécessairement pour le mieux. Juste avant COVID, sa société a été rachetée par Technicolor et on lui a proposé un rachat, pour ainsi dire. Comme il était psychologiquement épuisé, il a accepté l'offre et a essayé de changer de carrière pour devenir traducteur professionnel, mais lorsqu'il a obtenu son diplôme avec distinction, l'I.A. est devenue si puissante dans le secteur de la traduction qu'il lui a été très difficile de mettre le pied dans la porte. Il a heureusement pu retravailler en tant que technicien audiovisuel pour son ancienne entreprise et en tant qu'indépendant, ce qui lui a permis de bénéficier d'avantages spéciaux de la part du gouvernement. Nous en sommes tous deux très reconnaissants.

Ainsi, avec l'aide du logement social, après plus de deux ans de la période la plus stressante et incertaine de notre vie commune, nous avons obtenu notre petit nid. C'est beaucoup plus petit que l'endroit où nous sommes actuellement, et presque complètement vide, mais nous ferons en sorte que cela fonctionne. Mon studio fera partie du séjour et le bureau de Gilles se trouvera dans notre chambre, mais il sera situé au rez-de-chaussée, avec des arbres et du lierre autour de nous et ce qui semble être un environnement très paisible. Nous recevons des dons et un soutien de l'État dans la mesure du possible pour notre prochain déménagement, mais c'est complètement accablant. Nous avons connu des revers temporaires, nous avons dû payer deux loyers pendant deux mois, nous avons essayé de survivre financièrement pendant les semaines qui ont précédé le déménagement, mais nous y sommes presque. Nous y sommes presque.

Et ce sera enfin le début de la reconstruction de notre vie commune. Aucun de nous n'a déménagé dans un espace vide pour « repartir de zéro ». Je suis passée de mes parents à mon ex, puis ici, où l'appartement appartenait à l'origine aux parents de Gilles. Gilles était dehors depuis quelques années mais avec des colocataires avant d'avoir besoin de s'occuper de ses parents ici. Nous allons recommencer notre vie ensemble. Nous sommes impatients!

Et j'ai déjà des idées en tête pour une nouvelle série. Il ne me reste plus qu'à installer mon studio. Restez à l'écoute.

GoFundMe link

My art, my soul and Celtic music

English:

Since the mid-90's, I have become a fan of Celtic music, thanks to first finding Canadian singer/songwriter Loreena McKennitt whose origins are Irish. While most of her songs are in English, it was her voice and the music that I began to feel deep in me – an unexplainable feeling. I dove into her catalog of music but suddenly found myself going deeper and discovering truer Celtic music, I mean traditional songs (but not only) sang in Irish Gaelic, Scottish Gaelic and other variations that I am not an expert of, in between. Often, the songs that I find that really move me vary from the reels to the ballads and more often sang /played by contemporary singers and musicians breathing new life into them.

Though as I mentioned there are songs sang in English that I also love, the not understanding a word of these languages is a plus, for me. Why? Several reasons - I often find that translations, mainly in music and literature, lose the original thoughts, emotions and ideas. I also feel, especially in languages that are only spoken in small cultures, that it's almost a secret language that belong only to them – a language muttered in secret or in code and as the Gaelic/Irish languages are ancient coming from fae folklore, they give me a sense of romance and wonder.

Over the years, I have discovered many Irish and Scottish artists who still continue to create and share traaditional/contemporary compositions with the world and it is in the way they use their voices and instruments that are still very much rooted in tradition and there are songs that simply overwhelm me and take me to another place and time.

Hence, one of the reasons my photographic work has an almost timeless feel is in part due to inspiration from this music. I often play it when doing my shoots to take me to those other worlds. My photographs in the forest, especially, have an obvious connection to it because of the fae-aspect but also in how I pose, offering expressions of melancholy and longing. These emotions that are not false inside me are evoked when listening to this music. In addition, my most recent thoughts over the last 10 years of wanting to find roots, wanting to create new traditions yet having difficulty connecting makes me more attracted to ideas that have those elements and ideologies.

Today, I would like to present you with several songs that I am sharing from Spotify. A more ancient one entitled SealWoman/Yundah which was sung to attract the seals to shore. Sung by Mary McLaughlin. One by Julie Fowlis who is one of my absolute favorite singers and have quite a collection of her music. This is from one of her most recent projects entitled Cuimhne which means memory and another from her same project but written and sung by John McEntyre entitled Connia (woman’s name)– another musician part of the project and wanting to include a male voice and how it also makes me feel so part of this almost ethereal music. Perhaps when you listen to these songs and look at my photography, you can see the connections.

The End of 2024 Musings

As 2024 comes to a close, and as I do every year, I'd like to share my reflections of the year. It is the end of my 9th year living in France so in January 2025, will mark my 10th year - a milestone, I suppose. While a part of me feels like I have been here for that long, I still feel I am in flux. Honestly, I always have and it is why a major theme of my photographic works, especially this year has been about finding a place to call home, trying to establish roots and a connection to a place where it is hard to feel a connection to. In part, it is certainly because the language barrier somewhat still evident as I find learning the language slow in spite of my surprising progression.

It is also because - as it has been even in the United States - I am an introvert, more at ease with animals and the forest than within a social human group. I enjoy meeting and speaking to people, especially if they are warm and friendly but I prefer to be off on my own, most of the time. And with so-called social practices further separating us than bringing us together in addition to our political climate, I have created even more space between myself and others. Lastly, the difficulty in establishing roots is because 6 months prior to leaving the United States for France, I was living in an unstable situation with an uncertain future, and now, once again, with financial problems at hand spending the last year and a half in the social housing system waiting for a new, cheaper place to live, I have been surrounded by constant reminders that I am still not settled anywhere. While I have spent most of my life in places I didn't choose, I didn't feel unstable in my living conditions like now. As I have no control over this housing process, I have had personal difficulties but have managed to pour my soul into my artistic work more than ever.

I have created and finished 3 bodies of work: Re-Wild, Papillon and Almost Forgotten. Re-Wild has already been published in The Eye of Photography, I've had an exhibition of selected images from that series as well as Papillon this past November during the month of photography and in a major annual of art and photography by Corridor Élephant.

Almost Forgotten is a project that I began the year I moved here - 2015 and felt it fitting to complete the end of this year. At first glance, it is a vast selection of very pretty, romantic imagery of me posing in front of and within castles and ruins and while that can seem superficial, my statement is not. It is still connected to the theme of looking for a connection. I have spent my childhood yearning to be in fairy tales, in idyllic, romantic settings and also with a fascination for exploring areas with an ancient past. Difficulty in finding that in the US, I was excited to be able to find these places rather easily here in France. And, as I have eluded, with this era of modern technology creating a further disconnect from the human spirit and where the idea of the romantic image and even the preservation of tradition and history is slowly disappearing, I sought even more, to find and connect to places and ideals of romanticism.

During this year, I also took, what I consider a courageous step to create a vlog series, loosely titled “Series of Series” on my YouTube channel where I share selected works and discuss, on a minute level, the ideas behind them, some anecdotes and more. If you have not subscribed to my channel, please do so and while you are there, you can find some perfomance videos that I have created over the years either as companion pieces to certain series or in addition including my most recent one entitled White Raven with authorization so generously given by musician Martine Kraft and her project Iwashere for the use of her music!

And while so thankful to be able to continue my self-portrait work and for it to be seen, I am ever so grateful to have sold more than 115 copies of My Body Collective which is more than half the copies that I have had printed, thanks to my supporters via Kickstarter who believed in me and my endeavor to write and share my autobiography and my often painful past and how I have taken these experiences and used them in my art and in my job as an artists' model. I have sold these books without real distribution except through social media platforms, my site and through my model sessions. I have received so much amazing feedback, loving and encouraging words and I have been told that I am inspiring, which is really so humbling. It was one of the reasons, of course, for writing my story – to inspire those who had had difficult lives to find a creative and positive outlet in order to express themselves – to find therapeutic exercises in helping go through the process of self-acceptance and healing.

With that, I would like to end this post with words of love and thanks for your support and your continued interest in my work. I do hope that you continue to visit my website to see my work, to read my newsletters and to be here. I encourage you also that if you have any comments, questions, questions on purchases or more, do not hesitate to contact me direct via my email address. I am always happy to respond.

My love to you all and a very happy, healthy and loving holiday season and a hopeful new year.